You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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