What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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