It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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