Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
