he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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