Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
