dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
