In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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