guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
