alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
