Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
