and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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