this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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