I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
