I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Come on in and take your pants off
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