guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
