OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
