People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
