his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
