good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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