In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
