She is in my trunk
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
