My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
there is glitter all over my balls
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