nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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