it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
