Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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