Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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