Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
