I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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