Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
