Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Drunk is a universal language darling
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