first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
me + whiskey = a bad person
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
