There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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