I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
