You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
