...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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