I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
