sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I touched a dick in church today
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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