She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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