It's Friday. Sex?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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