No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize