but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
