you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize