somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you inspire me to be a worse person
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
