I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
