please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
did i just pee glitter
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
