i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
