I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize