the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
