I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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