I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
