so explain again why im purple
no
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
