I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
