You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
