I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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