At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
