i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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