When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
