Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize