I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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