6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
