last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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