Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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