Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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