You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
