Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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