I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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