I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
