I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
