im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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