Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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